I don't know if this should be filed under #witchywisdom or #lifehacks, but I'm gonna speak on it for a second, because I think it's important, especially as we move into the new year & everyone is putting their goals everywhere for everyone to see.
I think most of us have been told that telling other people our goals creates a feeling of accountability, so we'll be more likely to follow through, but you know what it also creates in those with fear of failure/anxiety/impostor syndrome? MORE fear. MORE anxiety.
MORE impostor syndrome.
Why?
Because we start wondering things like, "Can I?" "Should I REALLY?" "Will *they* think I deserve it?" "DO I deserve it?"
And on social media & in Real Life, there's always someone waiting to respond, "No," someone waiting to ask us where we get off believing we can & should Do The Things, someone trying to hold us down on a level where THEY are most comfortable with us, or where they are able to feel superior in some way. Those questions- ours & theirs- become little arrows of doubt, puncturing the energy shield around our goals, until it resembles Swiss cheese, & it has the effect of letting the air out of a balloon. You already know what I'm talking about here. Think about those times when you were feeling good, you had a great new outfit or a new hairstyle, & you were totally pumped up, only to have someone say, "Oh...that? Really? Are you sure?" Or, those times you've had an idea for a new project, a new job, a new activity, & someone flat out says, "No. That won't work for you. You can't do that."
Ffffffttttthhhhhpppt. {<-- Actual scientific deflation noise.}
Then what happens?
Sometimes, we're able to say, "WATCH ME," & prove them wrong.
But, for those of us who already struggle with anxiety, more often than not, we tend to believe them. We let those arrows pierce our shields, & the energy to Do The Things just sort of... fizzles out.
That only serves to validate all those things we were struggling with- the feelings of fear, failure, & anxiety- & we end up mired in the Swamp of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
This is a lesson I've learned the hard way over the years, & it's a cycle that I broke this year, in a moment born of grief, with the help of a #happyplanner notebook.
In June of 2019, my husband & I lost our Pekingese, Bella, & to say we were devastated wouldn't even begin to explain the depths of our grief. Two months after Bella's passing, we brought home a sweet little toy poodle we named Phoebe Rose. Less than a month after bringing her home, she passed away after a seizure.
As we moved through our sadness, I started planning for our next dog. It'd be at least a year, I figured, before we were ready... or as ready as anyone ever is after loss. In the meantime, I researched breeds. I stalked breeders & shelter pages alike. I exhausted the "cute puppies" search on Pinterest. In passing, my husband had sort of tentatively agreed that he'd be amenable to another poodle, but not another toy, because we'd been told they were prone to the sort of seizure that had taken our Phoebe. I wasn't sure we had a big enough house for a standard poodle- they're bigger than many people realize, certainly bigger that I realized at the time- but I figured, "What's supposed to happen will happen. What's meant to be WILL be."
I didn't tell anyone, because I was afraid they would tell me I shouldn't even be THINKING about it any more. Instead, I Googled pictures of poodle puppies & chose one of a little golden fluffball. I printed it out (it came out a little more red/orange than it was in reality, but I figured the Universe would know what I was going for), then created a collage in my Happy Planner notebook with that, quotes that aligned with "having it all," a couple lines from Ariana Grande's 7 Rings, etc. Then...
I forgot about it.
Literally.
I closed the deluxe cover, put the notebook on a shelf, & completely forgot about it- which also meant I wasn't talking about it.
About a month later, we brought home a Klein poodle puppy we've named Fiona.
I hadn't even heard of Klein poodles when I'd been Googling. They're not as common here in the U.S., & the AKC doesn't recognize them yet, but they are the 4th size of poodle, between a standard & a miniature.
She's ridiculously intelligent. She's not as prone to the seizure disorders that plague toys. She's not so big as to be the equivalent of Godzilla in Tokyo in our house.
For us, she is perfect. (Also, her birthday fell on our 10th anniversary, which felt like the final confirmation that she was indeed Meant To Be.)
A few weeks ago, I dug out the notebook I'd used, & my collage fell out. Take a look at what manifested:
The left is the picture I used in the collage, the right is my Fiona, at about 6.5 months old. (Note: even though she's darker, her color is still considered 'golden'.)
I think it's a win.
There is power in moving in silence, because there are fewer things siphoning that power away from the goal.
Now... does silence mean, like, RADIO silence? Telling NO ONE ANYTHING, EVER?
No. The key is SELECTIVITY.
I didn't put my goals front & center on all my social media. I didn't even tell my MOM.
I did reach out to one very knowledgeable friend who's worked extensively with all kinds of dogs for advice on what to look for based on our specific needs. She understood my grief over the pups I'd lost, she understood why I wanted & needed to try again, & she helped me get peace & clarity, which enabled me to go forward. I will be forever grateful.
If you are going to share your goals with others, make sure you share them with people like that- people who help you fine-tune your focus & approach without undermining you. They SHOULD ask you some difficult questions, questions designed to help you hammer out the details, the what-ifs, the detours-in-case-of-derailment. Those are not just important, they are valuable, because they give you a map to follow when things inevitably come up.
Otherwise, though, don't be afraid to start the work yourself. Use Google. Use Pinterest. Use music, pens, paper, visualization, whatever you have, & set the energy in motion. Validation from others is NOT necessary for success. Avoiding the energetic grasp of those who don't want it for you, however... well, that helps.
2020 is the year of the Emperor in tarot- a card & figure of sovereignty & aligned action (as Brigit Esselmont, aka BiddyTarot, says). Historically, emperors had trusted advisors, but they didn't broadcast EVERY thought or plan, because it meant their enemies would know EXACTLY how to move against them. THAT is what we want to avoid. THAT is why there's power of action in silence.
I recommend reading up on the archetype of the emperor- Biddy's site, linked above, is a great place to start, but far from the only resource, so look around- & then find your favorite depiction of it. Spend some time in thought with it. WHY does it resonate? What about this particular image drew you in? What about this card do you already embody, & what would you like to embody more, going forward? What is a keyword that you associate with it that you can use to inspire some kind of action every day? Put the card and/or the keyword somewhere you will see it daily, & ask that the energy guide you toward your goals this year. (The nightstand, on the bathroom mirror, & right by the front door are my favorite places for this sort of thing, because we tend to be either contemplative or action-oriented in these places, both of which lend energy to the working.)
May the Emperor guide us all this coming year.
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